yuck

Been off work now for 13 months and am tired of the wondering what is up. It could be so easy to go to the dark place and stay there. I hate! Yes hate the uncertainty of what will happen. so many good things have happened since the move but this one is not good as of yet. I just had my second cortisone shot and it does not seem to be working. The first one in my leg did nothing and so the Dr. said we will now do one in your tailbone. Wonderful! Not! I am a big baby when it comes to pain in my back.Now this one is doing nothing except now I have more pain in my back and the leg is still numb.So I wait two weeks and go to see the Dr. and from there we will see what is up. He said maybe operation on the back. This scares me.

I love my job and wonder if I will every get there again.If I don't go back to work soon I will have to take some other courses to keep my mind busy so I don't think about my back. So all I can do is take it to the Lord and rely on Him to give me strength to get through.

Today is one of those days where I feel the pull very strong to go to the dark place and hide.But I know that the Lord is bigger and instead I will run to Him.

I made Jim hold me and let me cry I told him there is nothing you can fix so just let me have my cry.He did. I love that man so much cause he puts up with me when I get like this. I don't even want to put up with me when I am like this. It comes in waves and maybe it is good as it washes away like the tide.